Falling Star.

I haven't decided if something is wrong or if i'm just PMS-ing.. But somethings not right.. I get mad at Alec for almost everything he does. We hung out yesterday (Tuesday) and he texted his friend Carter the entire time! I was so mad he kept telling me to be happy and I finally said, "okay when you stop texting". Though I don't think he heard me.. Then tonight (Wednesday) he went the the Jeff Dunham show. He didn't tell me until he had to go for the show, and it bothers me that he didn't tell me or even think to invite me.. I try to invite him to do everything with me! But he can't do something as nice as to even invite me? Even if I couldn't have gone its the thought that counts.. I mean how long has he had this planned? He's starting to create some habits that I really don't like. But I have to wait for the right time to talk to him about it, otherwise it'll just blow up in my face. 

I'm completely jealous of Maddie. She finally got her boy. Joshua Barber. He's the cutest kid ever! He is so sweet to her.. It makes me wish me and Alec were still in the "honeymoon" stage. But that's long gone and now its time to face reality and love each other for what we actually have. Not just be filled with infatuation.  Maddie is so happy, and I am very happy for her as well.

Genna has had a rough time this past week. Her and Brayden broke up. I knew he wasn't good for her. None of the boys at North Davis are good.. Clearfield boys. Ugh! She was so heartbroken.. Then we found out our friend Jamison Tuckett died. He was hit by a car, a teenage girl driving. She was heartbroken.. I don't even know if she knew him all that well though. She tends to get so heartbroken over people who pass away that she wasn't even best friends with.. I wouldn't like to see how she'd react if one of our best friends died.. Or maybe it'd just be the same?

Kyra, can you say confused? Just say it one or two times.. Then a third. Then write an equals sign next to Kyra's name. Kyra lost her virginity to a boy named Devin. He is one of the worst boys she could ever have in her grasp. She has this amazing boy now named Dakota. He's sweet, loving and he absolutely adores her. Trust me, she knows it too. He's everything that she needs! Especially right now. Lately Devin has been trying to get in touch with Kyra. It's going to turn into a disaster. Kota is already freaking out. She knows how much he adores her but she doesn't see what she's doing to him. I don't know how she doesn't either.

Back to my tragic Alec story.. 

I feel so frustrated. I want to talk to him about it so badly. Maybe after the show he'll be in a good mood. I'm blaming all my sadness on Jamison's death. That i'm hurt, sad and overwhelmed. That all my friends are stressing me out by crying to me. I don't feel like I have any right to cry. I wasn't close to him. The last time we'd talk was months ago. I feel like I need someone; that'll always be there. I want a best friend that I know will have my back. I want to be the envy of every girl. With the love, happiness, and dignity. I don't want to cry myself to sleep over boys. I don't want to go through the pain of dating and rejection. I don't want to see people be loved then lost. Maybe i'm just being a baby.. Maybe I just need to suck it up. "Cowgirl up".

I finally have my future mapped out. It's not in permanent marker, cause whose future is? I'm going to take cosmetology classes through high school. Hopefully the 2nd semester of my Sophomore year or i'll just wait until my Junior year. I'll be able to have all my hours done and graduate with my high school diploma and a cosmetology license! With that license I can work my way through college doing hair. I want to go to college for writing. I will also be doing dance and choir through out high school which will look good on a college resume. I want to go out of state. Michigan please! Some where with rain. Where I won't miss Alec while he's on his mission.. Yeah, I know that probably sounds very silly but I like the thought..

I think i'm done venting. I'm also going to talk to Alec tonight about everything. Hopefully he'll be okay with me whining.. But then again is he ever?/: