Elder Koozer! [:

My email to Elder Koozer:


Hey there, 

I actually just got home from seeing you! Hah. It was cool to see you at the scout banquet! Thats alright, I don't expect you to check your email every day. You've got things to do!

I told my parents... Well my step mom that i'm getting baptized! It took like two hours to prepare myself and gain up the courage! But she comes and tells me and my step sister goodnight every night so when she came and told me good night I broke the news. She was a little hesitant at first and asked why I want to do it. I explained how I just felt so much happier lately and that I've been thinking about it for a while. She told me if it made me happy and if it was what I wanted to do that it's okay. I was so relieved to hear that! She's a very respectful woman about most things but she's my step mom so I've seen her be mean, be silly and sarcastic so I wasn't sure what I was going to get. After she went to bed I heard her and my dad talking about it (my dad laughing) and brigitte (step mom) telling him to be nice and to not say anything if he was just going to tear me down. I haven't seen my dad very much this last week cause I've been out and about and he's been at work but the few times I have seen him he hasn't said anything. So i'm still waiting to hear what he has to say.

Saturday me and a couple of my friends went to see our friend Maddie thats in the hospital. She was diagnosed with bone cancer. She started treatment last Thursday and she was acting like she was doing way good over facebook/texting. But when we went to see her she wasn't doing good at all! Her mom said that the chemo made her very nauseous. Here's the point to this story; when we were about to leave I started thinking 'we should say a prayer' and it was just going through my head over and over again. After everybody gave hugs and said goodbye I asked if we could say a prayer. Her mom asked me to do it and so I did. It brought everyone to tears! It was sad but I felt so good saying a prayer. This was one of the first prayers I have said in a long time. That night I prayed and every night since then I say my bedtime prayers. I've never said more than one prayer in maybe a few months. But it just relieves the stresses of the day off my shoulders and helps me sleep better at night!

 Alright, on to my question! So my aunt is helping put my baptism together and she said I need 2 speakers. I was wondering if you want to do a talk. The two are on baptism or the holy ghost. Whichever you are more comfortable with or want to do? I want you and Elder San Roman to be involved with my baptism for sure though! 

Thank you so much for all you have taught me! Hearing your story helped me out a lot and gave me a boost of confidence. I hear everyone say that this is the right church and that this is just such an amazing thing but they were all born and raised into it. It was just good to hear that it can change somebodies life, and affect the people around me!

Sincerely,

                       Kylee Jo Yamane

But what he doesn't know is:

He has thee goofiest laugh ever! The funny thing is my mom wants us to get married. pahaha. She's like "I have to get a picture of you two!"

He's 19 and barely into his mission!

Tonight was my little brothers blue and gold banquet for boy scouts and the Elders showed up and I was like "psstt! mom! look!!" She giggled at me. After they ate they came and sat by me and we talked and visited. He's a really good influence. I'm so lucky to have someone that went through the same changes I want to!

I've been dying to put up a picture of him! This isn't the most flattering but he's still a sweetheart! So here is Elder Koozer in my little sisters nerd glasses. XD

It's Ligit.

It's official! I'm getting baptized. After two discussions I know that this is what I want to do. This is how I am going to better myself as a person, friend, sister and someday a better wife and mother. The date is set for March 19th. The only problem: Brigitte and my dad have no clue! I have been doing discussions with my mom and they haven't noticed a trend of my absence being every Thursday. Its such a big thing that I want in my life that i'm scared to tell them. They were both raised in the LDS church and were forced to go. Once they were old enough to rebel they did, they haven't been to church in years i'd assume. I don't know how i'm going to tell them. I'm scared to get my dream shot down. No matter what I will go through with this, because this is what I want. I feel like i'm about to come out of the closet to my parents. I'll keep it posted how this talk goes.. 


Saturday me and a few of my favorite girls went to go see our friend Maddie in the hospital. She is such a strong girl. She has bone cancer. They started chemo last week and it makes her nauseous. She looked so sick when we got there it was so sad. Before we left I asked if we could say a prayer. It was the least I could do to show that we love her so much. When I finished my prayer everyone had teary eyes and her moms started crying. I felt so meaningful that saying a prayer to help my friend could touch so many people. I want to be able to touch more people with who I am and what I have to offer. I love you Maddie. Stay strong. <3

    I got my extensions last Thursday. (hence the long hair) I feel so beautiful! I didn't think that i'd like the length but i'm starting to love it! 


    Alec turns 16 in 3 days! (February 23rd). I'm so excited, although he has to work on his car for the next 3 days so that its done. But thats okay. Cause in the long run i'm going to be able to spend more time with him.
    So my mom is trying to set me up with one of the elders that is doing my discussions. He just started this week since Elder Larabee got sent to Wyoming. He is very attractive. His name is Elder Koozer. He is 19 years old and has been out on his mission for about 9 months. He has dark brown hair and this almost sexy scare on his left eye lid. hahahah. My mom wants me to start writing him but how do I ask for his email or mailing address?! He was baptized when he was 8 but didn't go to church until he was 17. His mom is a drug addict and his dad lived in Hollywood. He saw what road he was heading down and saw where it was leading him and so he started going to church with his grandparents. This is when he decided he wanted to go on a mission. He told me that 2 days after he graduated high school he packed up and moved to Arizona with his sister (she is LDS too) and then he went on his mission. I asked him if he was ever worried if his parents would disapprove or come back with some rude comments and he said no. His mom was very supportive and his dad was just a little confused because he didn't even know there was such a church. It helps that he's coming from where I am. His story has given me a lot of strength and hope.


I need help finding a baptism dress. If anyone has any ideas of shops in northern Utah, HELP!?

Waiting For the Light At the End Of the Tunnel.

I've been so bad about writing lately. I have loads to write about but i'm just so down i don't even take the effort to write. 
It seems like problem after problem with Alec. 
Me and Alec have been on this fight since Friday night. Him and his buddies were talking about how Alec was talking about sex with this girl and setting up a crazy scenario and then they were saying how she was loving it? I might just be crazy but that really bothered me. He kept asking and asking what was wrong and when I finally told him he blew up! Why the heck would he ask if he was just going to be a jerk about it?! We fought all that night and he told me if I didn't stop being grumpy or whatever that he was done. Even though I was done. I'm so done with his attitude. I'm just not done with him... We had plans to go see Justin Bieber Never Say Never as a triple date with Austin-Kyra Alec-Me and then Austin S.- Jenny (since Maddie couldn't go Jenny kept austin company. just friends!) I was happy all night. At least I thought I was. Alec was way nice the whole time too. I though things were going great, and I was so excited that they were! But when I got home Alec flipped out. He told me that I have to do everything now and that he wouldn't help me do anything. Its like he was trying to make me brake up with him... But I didn't. I just cried and soon fell asleep. This morning I woke up and I thought to myself.. I'm done. He can't treat me like that. What he said was so uncalled for. So I text him and said "we need to talk" and he said "why?" and I said "in person" and he said "what about my candy heart?" and I said told him I was so confused. Then he told me he felt bad about being harsh but he meant every word he said. I told him that I wouldn't carry all the weight on my shoulders. It'd just make me  break and i'd fall apart. Along with our relationship. I asked him what I needed to change and he said "I just want you to be cuter with me. Without me starting it. And I want you to be happier in whatever we do. And come up with stuff to do." Is what he's asking ridiculous? Is it bad to change myself for another? I need help. He said he'd be happy but I have to match his level of happiness all the time. Which I do. When he's a grump and rude i'm rude right back. When he's happy and talkative I am too. Cause thats when we have something to talk about. Tomorrow is Valentines.. I'm going up to see him. He expects me to change over night but I don't know how to make myself happy enough for him.. I just don't know.. 

I want the summer back.

I want the peace of mind that he's just mine back.

I want his real smile back.

I want the honey moon stage back.

I want to make it out of this.

I'm just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

A Poetic Post;

I don't have any poems on here;
So here are a few from the summer that I wrote.
With more to come!

Prince Charming:

i've searched high and low.

and as the wind starts to blow.

i see now how charming you can be.

i hope that you love me for me.

although you live so far away.

i still want my prince charming to stay.

MTB:

the day the skies

turned bright blue.

i knew i couldn't be

without you.

your name keeps

echoeing through my head.

but i'm going to stick to

what i said.

my heart will forever

be yours.

even on the oregon

shores.

everynight i wish

for you.

in hope that you'll

miss me too.

oregon is so far away.

so tell me should

i stay?

your the boy with my heart.

so darling please

be smart.

<33

i hear your voice in my head.

and i want you to love me instead.

your the guy i've waited for.

the guy that could make the winning score.

i can see that you are my prince.

and i have adored you ever since.

untitled.

the night the sky showed her stars,

i knew that this life would be ours.

you love me even when my hairs a mess,

your just the perfect guy i guess.

my heart will forever be yours,

even on those sandy beach shores.

i may not go so far away,

but if i did would you ask me to stay?

Him.<3

i wish i could say this aloud

but i feel like i'm standing in front of a crowd.

can you tell by the way you make me stutter

that your making my heart flutter.

you know just how to make me smile

it feels like i've known you for a while.

just hearing your voice can brighten my day

you make the grey skies go away.

i bet you dont know this is for you

but thanks for helping me through.<3

(the one i'm getting published. XD)

Any feed back, advice, pointers? Let me know!!

too hurt..

Writing about whats going on is the last thing I want to do but here it goes. 

Friday night I sliced my hand open doing dishes.. I went to put a glass cup away and it slipped from my hand and shattered all over and I tried to catch it or I don't remember I just remember gripping the glass and then screaming for my dad. I'm not good with blood at all. I faint or get really sick. I was bleeding all over and crying so hard. Ugh. It was disgusting.

 Saturday Morning;

Sunday Night;

 Austin was coming to get me when he got off work at 6:30 so by time he called saying he was at my house to get me I was trying getting all wrapped up. I had mascara from my hairline on my forehead to the bottom of my chin. I tried scrubbing it off but this new mascara is such a pain! We were going to Austin Stout's where everybody was and my hand was hurting so bad, and I was feeling so sick. I don't know if it was Austins driving that was making me sick or just the pain. We made it too Austin Stout's and I started too slowly feel better. Austin Stout's little sister Amber is just the cutest thing! She had a bunny and let me hold it pretty much all night! It was the best. Alec asked me too put away the bunny so we could hang out and then.. he ran off. What a sweetheart huh? So I played with Amber all night. She let me do her hair and then we practiced her back walkovers. Then his little brother Cade was going crazy for attention! He just wanted me to sit there and watch him play Call of Duty on the DS. It was pretty dang cute!

Saturday was Clint's wedding, and it was an all day event. Breakfast at 11, ceremony at 4, and the reception at 6:30. Luckily Abbey and Austin were there! Me and Abbey left with her parents so we could change out of our dresses and into some normal clothes. Austin, Brittany and Taylor picked us up and we went to Austins house. He changed and got ready (for Kyra) and then we went down to Alec's house. After Austin and Abbey went to go pick up Kyra me and Alec went upstairs to his room and were just sitting there talkin'. When Austin pulled back in we headed downstairs. I don't know why Alec stayed behind a couple seconds after me but when I was walking down the stairs I could here the girls in the kitchen say "what do you think they're doing up there.. ew" I wanted so badly to be like "uhm. i'm right here jerks." I felt so.. I dunno bad I guess that people think of me as that kind of person.. It disgusted me. Instead of saying something like I should have I walked downstairs to see Kyra. We all hung around and sat by the fire. It was a pretty calm night. I decided, I hate sharing Alec with people two nights in a row. Cause i'm not even sharing. Its all everyone else except me all night.. 

Today was superbowl Sunday. I was rooting for the Green Bay Packers to win all night! Look at what happened! It was for sure an awesome game and an awesome match up.

"just admit it to yourself, it can't happen"

My boyfriend told me this after I told him I was sad and heart broken from our fight. I said I  just want him to hold me, thats when he said "Well just admit it to yourself, it can't happen". What a sweetheart right? We've been fighting so much lately. I hate it. So freaking bad. 


I told Koty I would wait for him while he's on his mission. Keep myself clean, for him. Yeah right. I wanted too. Until I found out he's been kissing other girls. Whats the point of waiting? /: Oh maybe cause i'm completely and undeniably in love with this boy.


One way or another i'm going to get hurt.

1. Koty is going to come back and not want me. We're going to talk more when he's gone then when how much we do now. Weekly sounds a lot better then every few months..
2. Alec and I are going to break up. Even though i'm the one who has to break up with him.. Or so he says.
3. I'm going to have too choose. Choose between Alec and Koty. Break someones heart. How do you choose between the two boys your in love with? Is it possible? Is either choice right?

I don't know what i'm going to do.

Plan B;

Lately I've been needing a lot of plan b's. Friday I think it was Genna read my horoscope to me and it said keep a plan b in your pocket. I thought "psht, plan b? why! everything is going great, i'm happy with Alec, its a new term, my friends are happy. what could go wrong." Well let me tell ya. Everything can go wrong! 

1. Alec- Yeah things were awesome. We were being silly and happy to be together. It was perfect. Until Jack's party. Since then its been down hill. We fight all the time. I guess its not completely fighting but we always argue. One of us always has an attitude. We don't laugh and joke around its like walking on eggshells. I just want to be silly and happy all the time. So I think, whats my plan b for Alec? Watch the attitude? Maybe, but I always try to do that and when I do he's got one. Plan b- my plan b for Alec is.... I need to open up. I need to be more upfront with my feelings. I need to not be the weak link in the relationship. Neither of us should be. I think we should be equal. Equally strong and equally respected.
2. IB- The International Bacbaccalaureate program helps students achieve college credits while still in High School. I'm in this program and I have to do a personal project. I have absolutely no clue what to do for my personal project. I want to do something where I can either dance or sing. But what could I do? I will take any ideas! 
3. Cosmetology Classes- I went and talked to the counselors at Clearfield High and found out I can't take cosmetology classes through the high school until i'm a senior! Unless I want to pay 17,000 on tuition, books and the works. So I don't know if i'd be able to graduate with my license! Its such a pain. 

I miss people that I don't appreciate to be with when I have them. I just miss them when i'm gone.. I need a trip to Gunnison and a weekend with Bailey.