Happily Ever After.

I've never thought that someone so close to me could be so fake. Maybe he isn't maybe he was just talking and didn't mean what he said. Maybe i'm just overreacting. Its time to figure out why he is in my life though. What role he is teaching me and how i'm going to better myself from him. I need to figure it out before I leave him, or before my fake smile permanently covers my true one.
Its sad when the one thing you have to open up to is your very own blog. Because you don't want to hear your friends advice, you don't want to hear your mothers "there are lots of fish in the sea" speech, and when you can't talk to the problem causer because he just gets upset. 
I know I wouldn't be single for long. I know that there are so many boys out there that would bow at my feet if I were single. I know that I am a beautiful young woman that has so many options. But why am I tied down? Why is it so hard for me to even think about letting him go? Is it because I truly love him? I think it's because i'm not learning what i'm supposed to from him. But maybe I have. Maybe my lesson was the church, to learn the gospel and to become baptized. What if i'm just milking it, dragging it a long because of my fear of goodbyes. 
The reason i'm so scared of goodbyes is what if I say goodbye at the wrong time, or to the wrong person. What if I say goodbye to him and then I had just lost my future husband. I wouldn't only be losing my future husband, but a future father, partner, best friend and a family member.. I already see him as my best friend. He is already a big part of my life. My mom loves him and so does my aunt Bonnie.. He's my cousins best friend and i'm with my cousin a majority of the time.. 
After all this writing I have come to conclude.. He's not fake. He's as real as you and me. (if there even is a you). He cares about me and he has feelings just like I do. He hurts, he gets mad, he feels happy and he cries. (on occasion) We are all different though; he handles things differently then I would. He reacts to things  different. We're no cookie cutter pieces thats for sure. But thats what helps us work. That even though we aren't cookie cutter pieces that we are always striving to be better. To be sweeter, to be stronger, to be less tart, and to be the best. (yes i just related that whole thing to cookies).
I am a lucky girl. 
Because: I know that Alec knows i'm the most beautiful person in his life and he hates fighting and he loves me to death.
I am lucky because I can say that with a smile on TRUE smile on my face, and believe it.