My Summer has been a whole other world than what i'm used to. I have officially lost all contact with the majority of my friends. I still invite them to go boating, to come watch movies or to go do something, but every time I end up alone. For a lot of my summer I have relied on Alec. To keep my hopes up, to give me that extra push when I really just want to sit down and cry and just that little glimpse of hope that i'll make new friends in the near future. I've never not had a girlfriend to go to, but now I can't even go to my own sister.
This summer has been family time and Alec time. If it's not one of the two, i'm sitting on my butt watching t.v. Me and my family traveled to Oregon for our family vacation of the year. I fell in love with marine life photography, but being in Utah.. There isn't much of it! I am going to become a certified SCUBA diver this winter and get this dream on a roll!
Since the last time I wrote a lot has happened. I was in the Miss Outstanding Teen Syracuse pageant, where i got nothing. It's hard to get all sorts of complements and people telling you "oh you're gonna win!" and then when they don't say your name for 2nd attendedent, and then they don't say it for 1st and then the big winner Miss Teen Syracuse but you still don't hear your name. But it's not like drill try-outs. I couldn't just start crying right then and there, I couldn't even stop smiling. I held myself together, clapping and smiling for the other girls. I didn't cry until I got home, sat on the couch and turned the t.v. up real loud. I did gain a lot a confidence, and I gained a new pretty dress.. But I feel like I was told you're not pretty enough, you're not loud enough, you're not bubbly enough, you're talent isn't as good as hers, you're walk isn't as strong as hers and thinking of these things now still bring back the sting.
My sister Kayleen got herself a boyfriend this last year. It was cute at first but now i'm about to die!! The second he leaves and the door shuts, you hear her phone ring.. Guess who?! Yep, the boyfriend. What's even worse is she ALWAYS uses this baby voice when she's talking to him, and before they say anything to each other they say "babe". If I ever call Alec babe again my ears will bleed just from hearing it again. Though my parents are very impressed by him, he teases them back when they give him crap. He's not shy, AT ALL. But he seems to have over looked me. Maybe Kayleen just doesn't care about my approval as much? Who knows. They get under my skin, more so lately than ever.
This summer hasn't been as productive as i'd hoped! But I learned how to wake board! I got up the 3rd time I tried, and that was two weeks ago so now i'm just proI've stepped up my fashion, no more just jeans and t-shirts. Unless i'm being lazy! But I put outfits together including shoes and accessories. I got a 90% on my drivers ed test, now I just have to wait until I turn 16! Oh, and get a car.. That's a different topic.
Lately I've been setting high goals for myself. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. "shoot for the moon, even if you don't make it you'll land in the stars" right? Or is that saying have a few thousand back up plans to fall to.. I don't want a back up plan though. I want to do what I want to do and be good at it. I set my college goal, Yale University. For those who may not know, Yale is in Connecticut. Which is good, cause it's on the East Coast and I want to travel to that general area for my first couple years in college. I don't know why but I've just always felt like I need to be over there two years after high school. Just to travel and get some schooling in before I come back to Utah and settle down. Yale is the number one school in photography. They say to take a lot of pictures, and I should really get on that. I also have decided that I want to serve a mission for the LDS church. Me and my cousin Austin will be starting missionary prep soon. So that'll help me confirm my decision as well. I've been going back and forth with myself about if I should do it. I guess I just need to pick one and stick to it.
I'm still dancing, since I was rejected by the Clearfield Drill Team, the Clearfield Dance Company I have improved a lot. It's given me something to work for. Even though I'd rather be working on a team. This year i'm going to be competing as a soloist and that'll be different! I've never done a solo in front of more than 5 people, YIKES! Dance has so many aspects to it, a smart kid once told me "so does life". I've never compared dance to life like I do now.
My little brothers and sisters are still the cutest things in my life. They mean so much to me, I really hope one day I can give them a stable home.
Alec.. Is my best friend. I really have lost everyone that I have been close to in the last year. It's been hard watching everyone grow up and separate but Alec has really been there for me. I don't know what i'd do without this kid. He drives me around pretty much everywhere and he always plans the cutest date nights. Our last date was to boondocks, and even though its just down the road in Farmington I've never been! We played mini golf and I had my awesome moments but then I had my moments where it took 6 puts to get the ball in... Lucky for me Alec wasn't making it a competition. When me and Alec compete we butt heads, we're not competitive people but when we want to win you bet we are! We're still the goofiest couple I've ever seen. I guess that's what happens when you get so close to someone. And you
become vulnerable to them. Me and Alec have a lot of fun, when we're not arguing about who had the attitude first. We've both got thick skin so its hard to
School starts in 17 days. Fall clothes shopping, back to school shopping, getting my schedule, hopefully getting into cosmetology at DATC!! This next few years are going to prove what I can do and are going to shape me into what I am going to be for the rest of my life. I just hope i'm ready for the journey of, high school.