Understanding.

Life gets the best of you sometimes. And here I am, understanding what that means. 

 I was baptized; into the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was a spectacular day. So many people came to support me. My cousin Austin baptized me. He has been my buddy since we were just little! And lately we have gotten very close! I am so glad that he got to be the one to convert me. Alec was also there to support me as well as several friends and ALL  of my family! Here are a few pictures from this memorable day! 

 Since then I have been so blessed. I read my scriptures, go to church and pray morning and night. It has helped me with a lot of sticky situations. Ones that I am so thankful to have someone to talk to when I needed it most. I am so glad that I made this decision. It's nice to know that everyone is so proud of me but I am so proud of myself for doing something for just me.

 Another big event... I WENT TO PROM! Alec, his family and I were eating Chinese food and towards the end we all got fortune cookies.. I read mine then thought "wait what?!" I had to do a double look. Written on my fortune was "will you go to prom with me?" I felt my face turn red. I was SO happy! It was so cute. We all went around and read what it said and I just blushed and blushed! Prom was such a fun experience! We had an awesome group and my date was TOTAL stud! In my group there was: Kara & Flint, Jenny & Skyler, Me & Alec, Jessica &              Ricky, Shelby & Jake D, and Kennedy & Tom P. For our day date we went paint balling. 

Almost all of us ended up with a welt or two. I had one really nasty one and then a baby one on my arm. Luckily it was gone so my dress wouldn't show it off! It was a lot of fun. My whole group hangs out together so there was no awkwardness between anyone! It was laughs the WHOLE TIME! After the dance we all went back to Alec's house and ate banana splits! As you can see below by this time I had changed into some of Alec's shorts and one of his t-shirts. All the girls sat around in there dresses but I got mine off as soon as I could! (when i got the door 

locked!)

I had a ton of fun!

I tried out for drill team... And didn't make it. /: It was really sad and hard... But now I can cross off one of my new years revolutions! Number 2: Make it to drill try outs! And I did. It was my first try outs and it was really nerve racking! 25 girls tried out and I was ONE of FIVE girls that didn't make the team.. It was really hard. It still is actually. But I am going to audition for dance company and continue taking private lessons with Heather and I WILL make that team next year!! 


I applied for a job today! At a flower shop in Kaysville. I'd only work on holidays when they need an extra hand but it'll be good for me to stay busy! 


Even though I didn't make the team I love my life. I love my family and I love my friends. It's been a stressful month but here I come may! 


Me and Alec's one year anniversary is coming up! JUNE FIFTH. I can't believe it! How could I find such an amazing guy? I love Alec, especially for all he has helped me through. He's quite the trooper when it comes to my stress caused break downs and my heart breaks. He's come to know me so well. I'm lucky to have a silly goose like him! 

Busy Bee;

So I have been the busiest bee in the whole continental U.S.  From helping plan my baptism to Miss Teen Syracuse then to Drill prep clinics i'm swamped! These last couple weeks have been killing me. Alec is not helping. Being grumpy cause I stole him for a few days last week i'm trying to let him get in his "boy time" before this weekend. He went to elite tonight and that bothered me. But i'm still trying SO hard not to show it. It's not like I could've hung out though.. I had mutual, tomorrow I have a hair cut, Thursday I have my last missionary discussions, then a meeting to prove I have learned the gospel, then finally I have a mini workshop for Miss Teen Syracuse. Yipee.... Friday I should be getting rest but there is a party! Rest for Saturday or party all night and run off of Monsters? Hmm. 


Planning for my baptism has been fairly easy for me. I let my aunt Bonnie do most of it and i'm happy with everything she has done! But she went to China for work and then everyone was asking me all these crazy questions and I just said well... I have no clue what to tell ya! Luckily she comes home tomorrow! I'm so excited.

I'm just stressing myself out so i'm going to go to bed.. Goodnight to whoever is out there.. 

Happily Ever After.

I've never thought that someone so close to me could be so fake. Maybe he isn't maybe he was just talking and didn't mean what he said. Maybe i'm just overreacting. Its time to figure out why he is in my life though. What role he is teaching me and how i'm going to better myself from him. I need to figure it out before I leave him, or before my fake smile permanently covers my true one.
Its sad when the one thing you have to open up to is your very own blog. Because you don't want to hear your friends advice, you don't want to hear your mothers "there are lots of fish in the sea" speech, and when you can't talk to the problem causer because he just gets upset. 
I know I wouldn't be single for long. I know that there are so many boys out there that would bow at my feet if I were single. I know that I am a beautiful young woman that has so many options. But why am I tied down? Why is it so hard for me to even think about letting him go? Is it because I truly love him? I think it's because i'm not learning what i'm supposed to from him. But maybe I have. Maybe my lesson was the church, to learn the gospel and to become baptized. What if i'm just milking it, dragging it a long because of my fear of goodbyes. 
The reason i'm so scared of goodbyes is what if I say goodbye at the wrong time, or to the wrong person. What if I say goodbye to him and then I had just lost my future husband. I wouldn't only be losing my future husband, but a future father, partner, best friend and a family member.. I already see him as my best friend. He is already a big part of my life. My mom loves him and so does my aunt Bonnie.. He's my cousins best friend and i'm with my cousin a majority of the time.. 
After all this writing I have come to conclude.. He's not fake. He's as real as you and me. (if there even is a you). He cares about me and he has feelings just like I do. He hurts, he gets mad, he feels happy and he cries. (on occasion) We are all different though; he handles things differently then I would. He reacts to things  different. We're no cookie cutter pieces thats for sure. But thats what helps us work. That even though we aren't cookie cutter pieces that we are always striving to be better. To be sweeter, to be stronger, to be less tart, and to be the best. (yes i just related that whole thing to cookies).
I am a lucky girl. 
Because: I know that Alec knows i'm the most beautiful person in his life and he hates fighting and he loves me to death.
I am lucky because I can say that with a smile on TRUE smile on my face, and believe it.

Elder Koozer! [:

My email to Elder Koozer:


Hey there, 

I actually just got home from seeing you! Hah. It was cool to see you at the scout banquet! Thats alright, I don't expect you to check your email every day. You've got things to do!

I told my parents... Well my step mom that i'm getting baptized! It took like two hours to prepare myself and gain up the courage! But she comes and tells me and my step sister goodnight every night so when she came and told me good night I broke the news. She was a little hesitant at first and asked why I want to do it. I explained how I just felt so much happier lately and that I've been thinking about it for a while. She told me if it made me happy and if it was what I wanted to do that it's okay. I was so relieved to hear that! She's a very respectful woman about most things but she's my step mom so I've seen her be mean, be silly and sarcastic so I wasn't sure what I was going to get. After she went to bed I heard her and my dad talking about it (my dad laughing) and brigitte (step mom) telling him to be nice and to not say anything if he was just going to tear me down. I haven't seen my dad very much this last week cause I've been out and about and he's been at work but the few times I have seen him he hasn't said anything. So i'm still waiting to hear what he has to say.

Saturday me and a couple of my friends went to see our friend Maddie thats in the hospital. She was diagnosed with bone cancer. She started treatment last Thursday and she was acting like she was doing way good over facebook/texting. But when we went to see her she wasn't doing good at all! Her mom said that the chemo made her very nauseous. Here's the point to this story; when we were about to leave I started thinking 'we should say a prayer' and it was just going through my head over and over again. After everybody gave hugs and said goodbye I asked if we could say a prayer. Her mom asked me to do it and so I did. It brought everyone to tears! It was sad but I felt so good saying a prayer. This was one of the first prayers I have said in a long time. That night I prayed and every night since then I say my bedtime prayers. I've never said more than one prayer in maybe a few months. But it just relieves the stresses of the day off my shoulders and helps me sleep better at night!

 Alright, on to my question! So my aunt is helping put my baptism together and she said I need 2 speakers. I was wondering if you want to do a talk. The two are on baptism or the holy ghost. Whichever you are more comfortable with or want to do? I want you and Elder San Roman to be involved with my baptism for sure though! 

Thank you so much for all you have taught me! Hearing your story helped me out a lot and gave me a boost of confidence. I hear everyone say that this is the right church and that this is just such an amazing thing but they were all born and raised into it. It was just good to hear that it can change somebodies life, and affect the people around me!

Sincerely,

                       Kylee Jo Yamane

But what he doesn't know is:

He has thee goofiest laugh ever! The funny thing is my mom wants us to get married. pahaha. She's like "I have to get a picture of you two!"

He's 19 and barely into his mission!

Tonight was my little brothers blue and gold banquet for boy scouts and the Elders showed up and I was like "psstt! mom! look!!" She giggled at me. After they ate they came and sat by me and we talked and visited. He's a really good influence. I'm so lucky to have someone that went through the same changes I want to!

I've been dying to put up a picture of him! This isn't the most flattering but he's still a sweetheart! So here is Elder Koozer in my little sisters nerd glasses. XD

It's Ligit.

It's official! I'm getting baptized. After two discussions I know that this is what I want to do. This is how I am going to better myself as a person, friend, sister and someday a better wife and mother. The date is set for March 19th. The only problem: Brigitte and my dad have no clue! I have been doing discussions with my mom and they haven't noticed a trend of my absence being every Thursday. Its such a big thing that I want in my life that i'm scared to tell them. They were both raised in the LDS church and were forced to go. Once they were old enough to rebel they did, they haven't been to church in years i'd assume. I don't know how i'm going to tell them. I'm scared to get my dream shot down. No matter what I will go through with this, because this is what I want. I feel like i'm about to come out of the closet to my parents. I'll keep it posted how this talk goes.. 


Saturday me and a few of my favorite girls went to go see our friend Maddie in the hospital. She is such a strong girl. She has bone cancer. They started chemo last week and it makes her nauseous. She looked so sick when we got there it was so sad. Before we left I asked if we could say a prayer. It was the least I could do to show that we love her so much. When I finished my prayer everyone had teary eyes and her moms started crying. I felt so meaningful that saying a prayer to help my friend could touch so many people. I want to be able to touch more people with who I am and what I have to offer. I love you Maddie. Stay strong. <3

    I got my extensions last Thursday. (hence the long hair) I feel so beautiful! I didn't think that i'd like the length but i'm starting to love it! 


    Alec turns 16 in 3 days! (February 23rd). I'm so excited, although he has to work on his car for the next 3 days so that its done. But thats okay. Cause in the long run i'm going to be able to spend more time with him.
    So my mom is trying to set me up with one of the elders that is doing my discussions. He just started this week since Elder Larabee got sent to Wyoming. He is very attractive. His name is Elder Koozer. He is 19 years old and has been out on his mission for about 9 months. He has dark brown hair and this almost sexy scare on his left eye lid. hahahah. My mom wants me to start writing him but how do I ask for his email or mailing address?! He was baptized when he was 8 but didn't go to church until he was 17. His mom is a drug addict and his dad lived in Hollywood. He saw what road he was heading down and saw where it was leading him and so he started going to church with his grandparents. This is when he decided he wanted to go on a mission. He told me that 2 days after he graduated high school he packed up and moved to Arizona with his sister (she is LDS too) and then he went on his mission. I asked him if he was ever worried if his parents would disapprove or come back with some rude comments and he said no. His mom was very supportive and his dad was just a little confused because he didn't even know there was such a church. It helps that he's coming from where I am. His story has given me a lot of strength and hope.


I need help finding a baptism dress. If anyone has any ideas of shops in northern Utah, HELP!?

Waiting For the Light At the End Of the Tunnel.

I've been so bad about writing lately. I have loads to write about but i'm just so down i don't even take the effort to write. 
It seems like problem after problem with Alec. 
Me and Alec have been on this fight since Friday night. Him and his buddies were talking about how Alec was talking about sex with this girl and setting up a crazy scenario and then they were saying how she was loving it? I might just be crazy but that really bothered me. He kept asking and asking what was wrong and when I finally told him he blew up! Why the heck would he ask if he was just going to be a jerk about it?! We fought all that night and he told me if I didn't stop being grumpy or whatever that he was done. Even though I was done. I'm so done with his attitude. I'm just not done with him... We had plans to go see Justin Bieber Never Say Never as a triple date with Austin-Kyra Alec-Me and then Austin S.- Jenny (since Maddie couldn't go Jenny kept austin company. just friends!) I was happy all night. At least I thought I was. Alec was way nice the whole time too. I though things were going great, and I was so excited that they were! But when I got home Alec flipped out. He told me that I have to do everything now and that he wouldn't help me do anything. Its like he was trying to make me brake up with him... But I didn't. I just cried and soon fell asleep. This morning I woke up and I thought to myself.. I'm done. He can't treat me like that. What he said was so uncalled for. So I text him and said "we need to talk" and he said "why?" and I said "in person" and he said "what about my candy heart?" and I said told him I was so confused. Then he told me he felt bad about being harsh but he meant every word he said. I told him that I wouldn't carry all the weight on my shoulders. It'd just make me  break and i'd fall apart. Along with our relationship. I asked him what I needed to change and he said "I just want you to be cuter with me. Without me starting it. And I want you to be happier in whatever we do. And come up with stuff to do." Is what he's asking ridiculous? Is it bad to change myself for another? I need help. He said he'd be happy but I have to match his level of happiness all the time. Which I do. When he's a grump and rude i'm rude right back. When he's happy and talkative I am too. Cause thats when we have something to talk about. Tomorrow is Valentines.. I'm going up to see him. He expects me to change over night but I don't know how to make myself happy enough for him.. I just don't know.. 

I want the summer back.

I want the peace of mind that he's just mine back.

I want his real smile back.

I want the honey moon stage back.

I want to make it out of this.

I'm just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

A Poetic Post;

I don't have any poems on here;
So here are a few from the summer that I wrote.
With more to come!

Prince Charming:

i've searched high and low.

and as the wind starts to blow.

i see now how charming you can be.

i hope that you love me for me.

although you live so far away.

i still want my prince charming to stay.

MTB:

the day the skies

turned bright blue.

i knew i couldn't be

without you.

your name keeps

echoeing through my head.

but i'm going to stick to

what i said.

my heart will forever

be yours.

even on the oregon

shores.

everynight i wish

for you.

in hope that you'll

miss me too.

oregon is so far away.

so tell me should

i stay?

your the boy with my heart.

so darling please

be smart.

<33

i hear your voice in my head.

and i want you to love me instead.

your the guy i've waited for.

the guy that could make the winning score.

i can see that you are my prince.

and i have adored you ever since.

untitled.

the night the sky showed her stars,

i knew that this life would be ours.

you love me even when my hairs a mess,

your just the perfect guy i guess.

my heart will forever be yours,

even on those sandy beach shores.

i may not go so far away,

but if i did would you ask me to stay?

Him.<3

i wish i could say this aloud

but i feel like i'm standing in front of a crowd.

can you tell by the way you make me stutter

that your making my heart flutter.

you know just how to make me smile

it feels like i've known you for a while.

just hearing your voice can brighten my day

you make the grey skies go away.

i bet you dont know this is for you

but thanks for helping me through.<3

(the one i'm getting published. XD)

Any feed back, advice, pointers? Let me know!!